i woke up at usual time 6 45ish and had cereal and orange juice, off i go to school~ lalalala.. a bus and train ride later im at school. first two periods was a wate of time, for some reason recess is a blank =s, wait..me and ian played the gun game with clapping ^^. got my test results back from the log test ==; , man how did ian beat me LOL. wilko was away today so I had last two periods off =D! so phantomcrew stayed at gym for period 5, i reckon josh , ian and mang are getting too imba >.> spinning nikes, switch hand pikes @@ sigh ... when am i going to catch up. went bocky after to buy pressie , then caught train home. then nerded my life away for a few hours.. up to now ^^".
But more importantly, back to camp >.< ~
12th (wow im still on the same day? =O) -
I remember the star knit sky, just that view was enough to make me feel like a total imcompetent in front of my lord. kneeling down, i pretty much told him about how much i missed him in my life. but, i didnt feel sad or regretful anymore, it was really heartwarming to sit there in the moonlight just thinking about myself and god. but as i realised how poor i was in spirit, i started to feel really guilty and it was killing me. standing up, i realise how sick a person i am. not worthy. i remember seeing the faces of everyone who finished the walk, everyone had their own stories. for many they seemed peaceful and joyful, seeing people cry with tears, i really wondered why i felt almost no love for anything i knew. sickening. we took a timeout after and went to the dining room. when everyone finished i remember the peace that was in the room, it seemed like all our burdens had been lifted off our shoulders. it was wonderful, even if only temporary for some of us. we praised him for hours without resting, and singing the same lyrics over and over again never changed our passion.
im pretty sure thats the night we stayed up, but then again i was probably too tired to remember the details. the last memory i had of that night, was actually the sunset in the morning ROFL. it was beautiful, and too bright to look at, and it came perfectly over our mountain campsite.
13th -
I found this day really depressing in a way, because i knew that for me personally, i would get really distracted again once my "life" started. in many ways, this was likely to be the most touching experience. in the morning after a wrap up, doc john encouraged us to share. it got off to a slow start, but as each person went up, it just felt like someone was slowly pulling my heart out of my chest ^^" (makes sense?). seeing siblings up there, hugging each other, loving each other and supporting each other, gave me a sense of lonliness i guess. after hearing andy speak...i was really torn in two. i could hear god telling me "hey son, go back and give our old man a huge hug, im sure its hard and difficult, but your life was meant to change today!" i knew he was right.
as people broke down, i could feel love overflow from each and every person. i just felt like telling people that i loved them..hmm i kinda feel like that right now, just by talkng bout it. god, youve shown me a family of christ, empowered by your love. eeverything after was only a shadow compared to that experience.
thus, fusion camp 09 comes to an end
god, i feel sick of my sins now, i feel sick of my person. if it would please you, lift me of my burdens and set me free. your son was defiled, so that such a person like me, would have a salvation. i'm sorry that my strength is not enough to carry me through, give me your hand and ill give you mine. i remember the circumstances i came to you in, poor, broken and weak. you took me out ofthe grave and gave me fusion to be my family. lord, i thank you so much for each person in fusion, that each one of them are unique but are all bonded by you. to be given a family like this is truly a blessing. lately, ive felt something was missing again, i couldnt tell what it was until that night. as i left you behind me, all my relationships have become weak and brittle. my heart closed up on itself and left behind an empty shell who resembled a human. in a empty world, i was also empty. god, i feel the pain from being distanced from fusion, and i find it hard to believe that i left you so easily. forgetting what binds my heart to happiness and peace, only to chase after what made me feel empty. my own chameleon self became only another unfocused human. underneath all my smiles and politeness, i felt sick of this world and its people. but what was really sick was myself. i believe this is only the begginning, but show me your love again, please. dont leave me in the dark anymore..i cant find anyone.
In my lords strong name, amen
will you really come and save me?
If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
When I’m blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shine
In my life Your will be done
Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
I dont feel like being blind anymore , truly...
ken
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